jumping into nothingness

jumping into nothingness

I always seem to find myself having random adventures, some big, some small. I’m not talking about a cheap experience with a drug here, but the kind where you have a really interesting conversation with a stranger from a 3rd world country and realize that having the time to figure out who you are is a very tasty luxury, or the kind where you find yourself alone, immersed in beauty while hiking in the south Australian mountains.

For all the pizazz of it, no one ever realizes the emotional intensity sandwiched into all of these marvelous situations. It comes in the form of self discovery and self actualization as you’re so taken with the beauty of a thing that it calls all aspects of life into question. That is a very heavy burden to chew through. Awe and beauty aren’t easy; there’s responsibility there should choose to acknowledge your own insignificance.

And i think that’s the brunt of it really…feeling insignificant. I’ve met such wonderful people and been to such amazing places so far in my short life here, and every time I come away from something truly great I realize how small I actually am. From talking to a man or woman from Iraq, hearing stories about how they’ve had to cope with missiles and bombs going off in their neighborhoods as they tried to get their kids to school, suddenly is a real thing and I realize that I am so sheltered! I am so small compared to their trials and I wonder if the feelings I have and the thoughts I think are even all that worth it. But I don’t know if you can downgrade your own emotion based on someone else’s experience, or conversely make yourself feel better because of someone else’s experience, life is just life; we’re human.

The next time, stop yourself when you’re having thoughts of jealousy about a friends adventure or escapade. Rather than jealousy, feel pride and feel happiness and be a part of the courage it’s taken that person to get out of his or her shell…because it takes courage to get up and move to a new country or to start a conversation with another human being, to go to a movie alone or to walk into a crowded bar by yourself. Maybe the best thing you could do for everyone is to ask “what was it like” or “why did you choose to go?” Introspect with your friends, family and most impotently self, because every time someone induces some flavor of change in their lives, whether it appears to be simple or complicated, it’s always complicated and there are always so many things to learn.

M

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